


It’s a Matter of Trust

by Burningchaos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-01
Updated: 2005-12-01
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burningchaos/pseuds/Burningchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is running away, again</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s a Matter of Trust

Sam watched Dean fall. It happened over and over every time he closed his eyes. This time, though, it wasn’t rock salt in the gun. He watched Dean, mouth open as he looked down at his chest, reaching up to smear the blood on his hand before he crumpled to the ground. Dean usedhis last breathto gasp out Sam’s name, with that the fog lifted and reality set in.

Each night Sam would wake up in a cold sweat, panting and gasping for air. He would frantically look over at his sleeping brother, damp panic filled eyes running over Dean’s body seeking the truth, that it hadn’t happened the way he kept dreaming it. He wanted to run his hands over Dean’s chest, touch the no longer bruised area, for reassurance.

Sam stood up, pulled on a sweatshirt, his sneakers and looked at his brother to make sure he was sleeping, then quietly left the room. The night was crystal clear, the stars flickered brightly the way they can only in the county or small towns. Sam could feel the darkness pressing down on him; it’s invisible weight making him weary and more tired then he had ever been.

Moving out on to the graveled drive Sam paused as he decided on a way to go, not that it mattered, he just wanted to escape. Taking a deep breath he began to jog, slowly at first, letting his muscles loosen and warm up. Less then a minute into what was becoming a nightly ritual, he could no longer see the motel lights, the air now felt cooler then it should and he knew it was time to pick up the pace. Now running, Sam no longer tried to pace himself. He could hear his feet pounding on the pavement and his blood beating in his ears while he kept running faster and faster.

He focused on the electric poles; desperately trying to do nothing more then count them as he ran. Except it never worked, instead his mind ran over a hundred scenarios and in each Dean ended up dead.

Because of him.

Sam ran, he ran till his legs trembled and pain shot through his thighs and calves. He ran until little white light danced behind his lids as he blinked. He ran away from what he had already done and what he was afraid he might do. Abruptly he stopped, winded, sweat pouring off him once again. He took a few careful steps off the road and collapsed on the ground.

Running wasn’t helping; Sam felt consumed by the guilt and it was slowly devouring him. With each breath he felt more helpless, hollow and feelings he couldn’t even begin to name. He couldn’t fight his fear; he couldn’t make it go away. He was fading fast and soon his exhaustion would catch up with him, then Dean would fall because he was careless or unprepared. Sam didn’t want that, not ever. He was hanging on by the slimmest of threads.

Sam heard gravel crunching and flinched, he was already being careless. No weapons, nothing. Laying back and rolling over he saw Dean getting out of the car. Resigned, he sat up than waited as his older brother walked toward him and sat down.

“You know I trust you, right?” Dean’s voice was still rough with sleep. “I wouldn’t want anyone else watching my back, sure I want to find dad, but I mean it.”

Dean trusted him and all Sam could do was nod while looking at him. He wasn’t sure if the fact that Dean trusted him was a good thing, or the biggest mistake his brother ever made. Because how could Dean trust someone who didn’t trust himself?


End file.
